When I die....

Today I'm still feeling kind of sickish - fatigue, joints hurt, eyes ache, and some "south of the equator" rebellion. Nothing contagious, I'm sure. But I'm not licking the bacon or anything over here. I went and got the flu shot when everyone else was shitting their pants about getting a vaccine that "wasn't ready." "How dare they expect me to get injected so I'm less prone to infect half the universe with the latest flu!" Whatever. Get over it already.

Bit I digress...

Heard today (while I was cooking meals to hold us over...you know, should I kick off or just feel like being lazy or anything...)

Him: What are you doing?

Me: Making three different meals.

Him: Why?

Me: Because when I keel over tomorrow, you guys won't starve to death. I suppose I should do laundry, too, so you're not all naked and shit.

Him: *sniffing with scrunched nose* But I don't like sauerkraut.

Me: How about I open a can of whoopass and you can chew on that? *WHAP*

Who cares. Let 'em forage for berries.

I am MADD... and you can be, too!

Recently MADD created a blog - The Power of Parents.

The Campaign to Eliminate Drunk Driving kicked off in November 2006 with the goal of eliminating drunk driving permanently. The Campaign has four essential elements:

• Mandatory ignition interlocks for ALL convicted drunk drivers
• Increased law enforcement efforts including crackdowns during holiday weekends, sobriety checkpoints and saturation patrols
• Advanced vehicle technology that would make it impossible for a drunk person to start a vehicle
• Public support – led by you and other concerned citizens nationwide

All the talk about making the right choices - that has to start with the parents. Children are not able to make choices by themselves any more than we could at that age. (I agree times have changed, so don't just sit back and call me a fuddy duddy...trust me.) If we made our own decisions, we'd have ice cream for breakfast, hot dogs for lunch, and cookies for dinner EVERY. NIGHT... And clogged arteries and no jobs...or we'd all be superheroes and nurses and veterinarians.

My kids recently participated in Red Ribbon Week this month. They need these talks - in school and out. And they need to know they can come to me (or you) with any questions or concerns they might have. Yes, you start young. I did. I don't know why a lot of people avoid the "taboo" subjects such as the proper names for body parts, the functions of body parts, what happens when you do something wrong, like drink (not only do you feel like crap, you also break laws, potentially killing people, AND you have to suffer the wrath of your mother!)

Seriously though, I know far too many alcoholics, and one of them lives in my own house. That story comes later.

So here is our story from about three years ago. (I'm happy to say he has since stopped drinking - after a few more slip ups - and realizes now that he had to choose between his family and alcohol.)

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Such has how livid I am in regard to TJ's behavior tonight at Kasia's TKD banquet.

What kind of jackass drinks (after we agree to stop for the evening), lies about it, and then gets behind the wheel with his two young children with him?

As it turns out, he spent about $60 at the cash bar! I had no idea he even had that much on him. (Now I know when he went out to "charge up the truck" earlier today that he went to the ATM. I wonder where his bank card is now. It certainly isn't in his wallet.)

Luckily I noticed something was up about two blocks out of the parking lot. He couldn't keep it between the lines, and then he started to speak. Everything he said was slurred so badly that I thought perhaps he was having a stroke. He still claimed he was fine to drive!

The kids are pretty shaken up - especially Bug. She was literally screaming in fear when she saw how he was driving even a few blocks out of the parking lot. They begged him to pull over. He claimed he was "fine." I forced him to let me drive when I heard him slurring. (He didn't say anything before that.) I thought he was having a stroke at one point it was so bad. Had I had one inkling he had had that much to drink I NEVER would've let him get in the driver's seat.

Kasia told her dad that she doesn't want him at the banquet next year at all. I can't say I blame her. Other people had come up to me throughout the evening (after we had hit our "stop drinking" point) and asked if I was the designated driver tonight. It should have dawned on me then that they saw something I didn't. (I wasn't with him for a good part of the evening. Now I know where he went and why. And now I know why he was making such an ass of himself on the dance floor.)

I guarantee you he won't remember some of what happened tonight, like him grabbing someone else's girlfriend, the look of horror on her face, his acting like he knew a dance and knocking over a few people, and not being able to stand up at the end of the night, along with slurring his words and bobbing his head, trying to explain it all away.

The girls are pretty mad at their dad, and scared. And I promise them this - it will NOT happen again...EVER. Over my dead body.

I'M not just mad..I'm LIVID. I told him that it would take killing someone with his drunk driving for him to realize that he needed to stop...and quite possibly that it would be his children that he killed. (For months they wouldn't get into a car with him driving, even if they knew he was sober.)

Thanks MomCentral for raising awareness with MADD.

*Disclaimer: “I wrote this review while participating in a blog campaign by Mom Central on behalf of MADD. A donation was made to MADD in my name to thank me for taking the time to participate.”

Happy Halloween!

Collateral damage: 1 huge tarp, 3 colored lights, 1 blacklight, 1 alien candle, 1 skull, and a few plastic walls. Not bad considering we had a huge windstorm and spent the afternoon trying to save, and then rebuild, the haunt.

Kids I made pee themselves: 2 (one about 7 years old and one a preteen/teenager)

My favorite butcher lines:
* Are you a vegetarian? (Some guy answered, "I am now!!") I have some toe-fu if you'd like! (Chopped off toes on my butcher knife.)
* Fresh meat! I need some FRESH MEAT!!
* I'm waiting on a new shipment of leg of Lamb. Are you Mr. Lamb?
* Brain food. Mmm....
* Mom always told me not to play with the stove. (I was horribly burned on one side).
* Would you like to donate some fingers and toes? I hear yours (kids) are the most tender!!
* I'm hungry for Chinese food. Are you Chinese? (Insert any nationality you care to.)

Money raised for Autism Society of WNY: $25.50

Fun had: unmeasurable.

Mission accomplished!

You can see the photo set here if you haven't already.

Hope to see you next year! (We're already planning.)

Sometimes you just have to shake your head and walk away...

Sometimes life just gets too weird. Things start disappearing (like pants and my favorite Halloween shirt, and shoes...where in the hell are the shoes???)...and other times, things "relocate" themselves. My marker - no one was near it. Now it's on the bookshelf. No one in my family is ambitious enough to pick anything up off the floor.)

And sometimes things are right in front of your face (a la Em's music folder)...

Other times, the conversations just get odd...(of course we're the masters of double entendres and finding the humor in just about anything...)

Overheard at my house....

"Mom, you really need to stop assaulting me with you boobage." (Apparently when Kasia snuggles me in the morning before school, I tend to roll over and practically suffocate the poor child.) *snerk*

"You make some sexy, sexy beef, baby..." (WTF is sexy beef??)

Make sure you practice scrubbing floors... (from Annie practice. Um, I don't think that'll be a problem. Heh!) And then Emily says, "But why do *I* have to practice scrubbing floors. I'm not in the musical!!" (Too bad, kid. You may be someday. Think of it as exploring the character. LOL!)

And sometimes people just have really convoluted ideas they get stuck in their heads...most things you can find on Snopes and expect intelligent adults to check out before swarming your email (or telling you this crap in person) with total falsities.

Lately I've just had to let a few go...just shake my head and walk away.

Two weeks...

Kasia's got two weeks to learn her lines. It's a good thing we're incredibly familiar with a few different forms of the musical, Annie. She really needs to work on not singing other people's songs or parts of songs though. HAH! (Although they did use her as a practice back up for the two other musicals because she knew everyone's songs then, too. *snicker*)

Looks like we're faced with six days a week after school (and Saturday) for at least a few hours each day. She can do her homework when she's waiting for her turn on stage, and she gets some done before she comes home anyway. She has about two to three hours of homework sometimes - but her AP ELA class is already way ahead, and the art teacher has told her to take a nap in class because she's ahead of the other students and completed her projects already.

Of course TJ tries to take credit for all this natural ability. He started in with, "This is what you get when you've got an incredibly talented child" (while he was looking all proud and crap). I said, "Have you ever been in any musicals?" No. "How about choir?" No, but I was in band for a while. "Gotten straight A's without even trying?" Hell no.

Yeah, clearly it's *his* genetics that made her the whiz kid that she is. ;P

She wants me to try to get Grammy to come to see her in December. I wonder if I can get the house clean by then. Bwa ha haaaaaaaaaaa....